The Serenity Prayer

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” (The Serenity Prayer)

You have probably heard of Serenity Prayer. And if you’re like most of us, at times you still find yourself waiting for an answer. Well, here it is. You’ll discover a way to accept the things that you cannot change. You will find that you’re easily and bravely changing the things in your life that need to be changed. In addition, the wisdom to distinguish between the two will suddenly pop out in your mind. If you remain open to the elegancy and simplicity of this solution, it has the power to set you free.

When we let go of wanting to change the way things are, we naturally move into greater acceptance without having to try to force it to happen. When we are focused on wanting to change a problem, our awareness of the problem causes it to persist. We hold the issue in mind in order to change or resist it, instead of letting go.

Here is how it works. Perhaps we have an experience that we don’t like: the boss yell at us, or something happened to a person we care about – a friend get sick or has a car accident, or maybe we don’t like the news we hear that day – the stock market takes a dive. Therefore, we want to change it, which is where we get stuck. “I hope this doesn’t happen to me,” etc. Since the mind sees and creates in pictures, it doesn’t accurately translate negations – words like not, never, or don’t. As a result, it interprets our hopes in reverse and sustains them.

If you don’t believe me, try now to not picture a sun shining. What happened? You immediately saw sunshines in your mind’s eye. In similar way, the harder we try to not create what we do not want, the stronger we’re holding on to the idea; thus, the more likely we are to create it in our reality.

So, what is the solution? Easy. Let go of the sense of wanting to change something, and the unwanted pictures about it that you were holding in mind will dissolve; then, you’ll courageously move into action to make the changes that are necessary.

Any time you’re not sure whether something in your life needs to be changed or allowed to be as it is, make a decision to let go of the feeling of wanting to change it. If you let go of that feeling, and it’s something that cannot be changed, you’ll find yourself effortlessly accepting it as it is. On the other hand, if it’s something that does need to be changed, letting go helps you shift easily into action to get things done. Experiment with this principle in your life and see what happens.

Letting go of wanting to change what you are feeling in the NOW is the key to achieving serenity. When we feel hesitant to let go, it’s often because we want to maintain control. If you’re stuck, let go of wanting to change the stuckness. Simply ask yourself, “Would I like to change that?” The answer will invariably “Yes.” Then release on it. Ask yourself,

“Could I allow myself to welcome this feeling of stuckness as best I can?”
“Could I let go of wanting to change the stuckness?”
“Would I?”
“When?”

Check to see how you feel now. Do you feel as stuck? Less stuck? Either way, is there any more feeling of wanting to change it? If it is then ask yourself,

“Could I let go of wanting to change it?”
“Would I if I could?”
“When?”

Again, notice how you feel inside. If you have been open to this experience, you probably feel a little, or a lot, lighter already. Now, take another look within. Check to see if there is still more of that sense of wanting to change how you feel. If there is, ask yourself again,

“Could I let go of wanting to change this feeling of wanting to change how I feel?”
“Would I?”
“When?”

Yes, releasing stuckness can be this simple. Whenever I remember to ask myself if there was something I wanted to change – and then was able to let go of wanting to change it – the feeling that had seemed insurmountable a moment before would just dissolve. Handling my workload has become much easier and nearly effortless. In stress situation, when people annoy me, I release on them. So, I feel much freer and lighter. I often ask myself,

“Could I allow myself to have an easy and effortless day?”
“Could I allow myself to treat everyone with respect?”
“Could I let go of all self-sabotaging behavior past, present, and future?

If I stopped wanting to change what was going around me, the mood altered naturally. Releasing wanting to change a particular person help me to become more effective. I choose to accept everything that occurs in the NOW with ease. Nothing is more important to me than my peace of mind. In this way, I discovered that life is to be lived and enjoyed in each moment. Life is a journey, not a destination.

Let’s do a little more work now on the issue of wanting to change the way things are. Begin by asking a moment to focus inside and relax. You may keep your eyes open without missing any of benefits since this technique is to be used in action throughout the day. Allow your focus to shift to a more inward direction. Notice how you become more aware of your feelings and your inner state even with your eyes open. Just making this shift has probably started to calm you down already. Now, think of a specific person, place, or thing in your life that you wish were different, that you want to change. Ask yourself,

“Could I welcome whatever feeling is engendered by it as it is?” Allow it fully!
“Could I let go of wanting to change it?”
“Would I?”
“When?”

Now, how do you feel? Is there any more of the feeling of wanting to change the way this particular situation is? If so, ask yourself again,

“Could I let go of wanting to change it?”
“Would I?”
“When?”

Check again to see if you still want to change it. If you have been open to this process, you may see the situation now from the perspective of finding solutions rather than being stuck with the problem. You may also discover that there is nothing that needs to be changed, and the situation is perfect the way it is. Continue asking questions until you no longer want to change it and fully accept it as it is.

If you still can’t let go, use another question: What if I wanted it to be this way? If you can get the hang of this excellent question, it will free you to let go. You might even expand your question to extremely ridiculous parameters. You could ask: What if I have spent my whole life trying to develop this degree of stuckness or to create this degree of difficulty? You may find yourself spontaneously letting go.

Focus inside again, and allow yourself to become aware of something else that you want to change. It could be a person, a place, a thing, or a situation. Whatever it is, simply focus on it and feel what it’s like to want to change it. Then ask yourself,

“Could I let it go?”
“Would I?”
“When?”

Now, focus on the same thing, or something else in your life that you’d like to change. Then ask yourself,

“Could I let go of wanting to change it?”

Remember, there is nothing wrong with changing things in life that you’d like to change. We very often get stuck in “wanting” rather than in taking action. Therefore ask yourself again,

“Could I now, just for now, as an experiment let go of wanting to change it?”
“Would I?”
“When?

Notice how you feel inside right now. Perhaps you have a sense of space opening up, deep inside you, as you let go of wanting to change things. Does letting go of wanting to change things make you feel a bit uncomfortable? Does it make you feel a little out of control? Could you welcome the feeling? Then, could you let go of wanting to change it? Would you? When?

See if there is anything about the way you feel right now that you’d like to change. If so, ask yourself,

“Could I let go of wanting to change it?”
“Would I?”
“When?”

When we want to change things, we’re saying they’re not okay the way they are. We’re telling ourselves that they need to be changed, fixed, or improved somehow. But this is often not true. Or, if it is true that something needs to be changed, wanting to change it keeps us stuck. Holding on to the yearning for change doesn’t really help us to move on and take the action that is necessary.

Now, could you allow yourself to feel exactly the way you feel in this moment? Could you welcome it? Whenever you welcome the way you feel, whenever you allow it, you’re embracing a natural way of letting go of wanting to change it. If you’ve been willing to let go of wanting to change both how you feel and the circumstances in your life, you should now feel calmer, more relaxed, and centered – and more able to go out and actually change things. This is the key to serenity. This process will have a profound effect on your life.